common areas of support

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Anxiety is a normal and natural emotion that we all experience. We all feel anxious from time to time. Anxiety is also essential to survival and what activates our "fight, flight or freeze" response. 

Be mindful of when the anxiety becomes frequent, intense, severe or prolonged, and causes distress impacting daily activities or functioning. 

Common physical symptoms of acute anxiety include: heart pounding; shortness of breath; sweating; shaking; nausea; dizziness; chest pain or tightness; numbness or tingling sensations. 

Anxiety can also affect our thinking, such that we might be fearful of losing control, or feel constant dread that something bad might happen.

The phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" comes from an African proverb, but there are many other cultures who center the child in their care giving practices. Indigenous cultures for example, use the medicine wheel to incorporate a larger community encompassing a child's care, and includes a holistic approach of mind, body, spirit and emotions. 

It's ok to ask for help. A family system approach developed by Dr. Bowen explains the interlocking concepts on the core assumption that there is an emotional system governing human relationships in families. Thus, family systems theory uncovers the network of relationships that define a family in order to resolve issues in the context of the family unit. One family member's behaviour is caused by, and causes other family member's behaviours in predictable ways. 

“Trauma decontextualized in a person over time, can look like personality. Trauma decontextualized in a family over time, can look like family traits. Trauma decontextualized in a people over time, can look like culture.”  -  Resmaa Menakem 

Racial trauma explained above, is one of the many ways that events; whether single, multiple or perpetual, impact our view of the world and ability to cope with seemingly mundane every day tasks in a healthy way. 

Trauma informed therapy as well as trauma informed parenting for those supporting a child of a traumatic event, can help us focus more on stability and safety before expecting larger behavioural changes. 

Depression is a type of mood disorder. Mood disorders affect the way you feel, which also affects the way you think and act. With depression, you may feel down, hopeless, or find that you can't enjoy things you used to like. Many people who experience depression feel irritable or angry. And some people say that they feel numb all the time.  

Things to watch for:

• Changes in feelings: Signs of being unhappy, worried, guilty, angry, fearful, helpless, hopeless, lonely, or rejected.
• Changes in physical health: Complaints of headaches or general aches and pains that can't be explained. Feeling tired all the time or problems eating or sleeping. 
• Changes in thinking: Saying things that indicate low self-esteem, self-dislike or self-blame, for example, only talking negatively. Hard time concentrating. In some cases, signs of thinking about suicide.
• Changes in behaviour:  Withdrawal from others, cry easily, or show less interest in sports, games, or other fun activities that are normally enjoyable. Over-reacting and having sudden outbursts of anger or tears over small incidents. 

It's important to look at the bigger picture: how intense the changes are, how they impact your life, and how long they last. It's particularly important to talk to someone if you've noticed several changes lasting more than two weeks. 

Grief is a natural response to the loss of something meaningul in your life. Although commonly associated with the loss of a loved one, it could also be the result of:

• relationship breakup 
• loss of health, career or finances
• death of a pet
• family member suffering from a serious illnes
• loss of an asset or, 
• loss of a dream or vision you had for yourself, your child or a family. 

Kübler-Ross first described the five common stages of grief as:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance 

And David Kessler recently added : 

• Finding Meaning 

Although commonly thought of as steps, the grieving process is very individualized and personal, such that everyone processes and experiences grief differently. Whereas some might feel better after a few weeks, others might need years to feel better. There is no set time. In all cases, it is important to cope with grief actively and not ignore it. 

It is ok to feel a variety of emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety or fear.  As part of coping we must accept the emotions as normal.

Complicated grief occurs when our grief worsens over time and we feel unable to move forward or to resume our daily life and activities and functioning.   

Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI) or self harm, means hurting yourself on purpose, but don’t intend to die as a result. In many cases, this is a sign that someone has a mental illness and uses self-harm as a way to deal with difficult feelings or show distress.

The most common ways to harm your body are by cutting or burning skin, scratching that breaks the skin, hitting to the point of bruising or breaking bones, biting or falling. Some people also take a minor overdose of a substance to harm themselves.  Acts of self-harm are sometimes done on impulse, and sometimes they’re planned. Certain people who self-harm say that don’t feel pain when they hurt themselves, or that they do it to feel physical pain.

Why do people self harm?

• To deal with uncomfortable or unwanted feelings like anxiety or depression 
• To cope with grief, loss, violence or chronic illness
• To punish themselves or to express self-hatred or self-anger, or feelings of failure
• To make their emotional pain feel like physical pain
• To  feel “real”, feel anything or to cope with feelings of emptiness or numbness
• To regain control over their body
• To just feel better